Mommy Dearest

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There is nothing more important to me than raising good kids.  I am sure we all feel like this, but all go about it in our different ways.  My way may not be the right way for everyone, and I've fore sure taken missteps here and there, but I am very intentional about my choices.

When I first became a mother many of my mom friends were recommending parenting books right and left to me.  Nothing sounded more tedious to me than reading a parenting book.  My way has always been to go with my gut.  To be strong in my religion and then just follow my heart.

My heart told me I wanted curious kids.  Since Emry was old enough to walk we spent our days at the park.  I was the first one there and the last to leave.   She would climb and eat sand.  Slide and run around for hours.  When I was pregnant with Lila I remember being so sick just laying on the grass watching Emry play, hoping and praying she wouldn't ask me to push her on the swing.  She always did.  But in the end all that mattered was my child was in the fresh air having fun and entertaining herself with nature.

After Lila was born and we moved to Temecula we spent our mornings at the pool.  We arrived at pretty much 9am every single morning, most of the time we would be the only ones there.  I would hold baby Lila and push Emry back & forth to the pool steps for hours.  Emry swam on her own at 2 1/2.  People were always amazed  when they saw her, but if they only knew we were there 3 hours every day it wouldn't have seemed so miraculous.

Ethan was born and .................... you get the picture.  That's it.  That's what I did.  I explored and ran, read and played, laughed and colored.  At times playing barbies made my eyes roll in the back of my head, but I did it.  I considered it my job.  The most important one.  I loved it then and I still do.

For sure I had my moments when I threw on 'Cinderella', but those moments were few and far between.  As much work as it is to parent sans T.V. and video games, nothing made me happier than seeing my kids at the end of the day with a million books fanned out around them in bed.  Their bedtime was always early because I then had a million Lego & puzzle pieces to put away, science experiments to wash off counters and floors, and forts to dismantle.

I have regrets for sure.  I am hoping my kids won't remember the times I seethed with anger, lost my cool and had expectations that were extremely inappropriate for their age. But I've learned patience is a must, and you gotta just go with the flow of their crazy antics or else you'll wind up in the looney bin.

Every day I tell them I love them.  Every day we pray as a family.  Every day we do homework together.  Every day I expect them to help each other and me.  Every day we are silly.  Every day we have at least one treat along with all the healthy stuff.

These kids are my heart.  Preparing them to lead a rich and wondrous life, to always be curious, to lose themselves in learning, to figure out solutions, to love adventure and good food, to be open to trying new things, to put faith ahead of fear, to truly love others and believe in themselves enough to fall down and get right back up is my greatest wish, hope, dream and goal.

Say Anything

Sunday morning found Glenn out of bed early to focus on his church calling.  His side of the bed didn't even have time to get cold before Ethan slid in and promptly fell back asleep.  I love those mornings.  I've seen plenty of movies where couples lie in bed and watch the other sleep, & while I can't say I've ever done that, I can say any time one of my children are asleep by me I can't help but just stare at them.

In those moments my brain goes at warp speed and my heart beats faster.  I have conversations with myself about how much I love them and how extraordinarily lucky I am. I go over the balance sheets of what I've been doing right and the parenting methods that need to be checked.  And sometimes I'll just indulge myself and let my heart crumple in on itself while I slowly just take in their face.

I rarely sit still long enough to watch T.V., but Friday morning found me on the couch addressing Christmas cards with the news on.  Right in the middle of stuffing envelopes my heart dropped and confusion, anger, sadness and despair set in.  There is many to feel for at this time, who need to feel our love, prayers and hope.  Amid gathering strength there are also many questions and one on my mind is how is a boy who is barely a man capable of this?

Even in a world of turmoil I believe in my kids.  They are not now and will never be perfect but they are good.  They have caring hearts and a love for Jesus Christ and their Father in Heaven.  Not only a love but the obligation they feel to be an upstanding citizen is tangible.  They know they have a responsibility to make the world a better place.  They know this because they hear it in our daily prayers.  It is expected.

When it comes to their friends I must say I've done a good job of veering them away from some kids while wholeheartedly fostering other friendships.  I don't think my kids know about all the hustling in the background, but there is hustling for sure.

I lived in a bubble for the first 16 years of my life.  It's good and bad.  It was a time of innocence and just being oblivious to the harsh realities of life, but once those realities show up on your doorstep in a very pretty package, it's downright difficult to figure it all out.  Especially on your own.

So I am no Pollyanna and this is what I know - communication is key.

I let my kids know daily how much I love them, how proud I am when they're making great choices, my frustrations and disappointments when inevitably they don't. They can ask me anything and get an honest answer.  But that honesty also extends into my expectations for them. I know that any kid would much rather "not like" their parents for being too involved, then for real not liking them for not being involved enough.

All I have is my gut and heart to lead me.  Like every other parent these 3 are my whole world and failure is not an option.

Good, Clean Fun

 Tuesday nights are designated youth nights in our church.  Every Tuesday we have a fun activity for the boys & girls ages 12-18.  I've been working in primary for years but I just got called to be the 1st counselor in the Young Women's and with Emry turning 12 last month it is a huge part of our life right now.

This past Tuesday we had a progressive dinner for the youth.  Appetizers at my home, caroling down the street to another ward member where we had dinner, then caroling back down the street to my neighbors house, also in our ward, for dessert.  Besides not a lot of people being home and one guy telling us to keep it down his kids were sleeping (!!??!!) the kids had fun.

 I am so thankful for the Young Women's Program.  While the boys work on getting their Eagle in Scouting, the girls work on their Personal Progress books.  In this book are requirements having to do with the values we are teaching them. 

Emry's working on a few things simultaneously right now.  Some are big others are small.   For instance 2 of her goals are saying a morning & nightly prayer, & saying something kind to her siblings every day.  The great thing about daily goals are they become habits. 

To complete the entire book will take a few years, so if she keeps going I can't even imagine the young lady she will become.

I walked into the kitchen a few days ago to see Emry studying her scriptures as part of one of her goals she is working on.  Even though I grew up in the church, seeing her sitting there, reading the Bible on her own accord almost broke my heart.  I do not take it for granted.  She also taught us a lesson Monday night (family night) on avoiding  temptations in life.  Who raised this girl?  Oh yeah, that would be ME!

O.K. let me come back to reality.  I get upset at my kids, they can be selfish and immature, lazy? uh yeah!  But they are good kids.  They love each other and they love our Savior Jesus Christ.  They're going to mess up but I know they know what it means to Choose The Right.  My job right now is just helping them be strong enough to make the choices they know they should.