In a few days I'll turn 39. Labor day to be exact. My sister Jeannette would sneer and say when we were younger "I hate your birthday, it means school's starting".
Age has never been something I've feared. I am not one of those women who won't share their age or crazily enough lie about it. I am (almost) 39, I have blue eyes, I talk superfast, I have straight hair and a scar on my left arm from a long ago dog bite. I can't change these things, it's who I am.
I spent the first half of my life wanting to change EVERYTHING. I didn't feel comfortable in my skin because of insecurities. Looking back it truly makes me so sad that I had so much going for me and I couldn't even see it.
I spent the next half trying to turn myself into the kind of person I would like. I am still a work in progress but I can say that each day I move forward. Some days the steps may be little, teeny tiny baby steps, but it still counts.
A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend and age came up. I told her my age expecting her to gasp and say "What? No way, I thought you were much younger!". Well, she didn't say a word. Like, 'Uh huh, you look it'. Internally I laughed at myself thinking, 'Marie, what do you expect, you're 38 and you look 38'.
Do I feel it? Yes. Because of my arthritis I've been needing 9 hours of sleep lately!!! I literally can't stay awake at night and for the first time ever have a really hard time getting up in the morning. The fatigue is horrible and although I tend to be pretty holistic I am seeing my Doctor next week and if she has a magic pill I am taking it! (I am aware there is one called Speed. I am hoping for an alternative.)
But mentally I don't feel it. That's the thing no one ever tells you. Your body will age but your mind will not. You still have insecurities you battle like a teenager. You still have completely unrealistic dreams tucked away in your heart. You still have things to learn. Many, many things. I feel like a baby in that respect. There is so much to do and learn and yet time still marches on. Shouldn't I know everything? I am an adult. Who tricked my younger self into believing you didn't automatically know everything as soon as you turned into a grown up. What? I actually have to learn all this stuff myself? I really thought, You become a grown up - You know everything - Done.
I felt bad about so many things I shouldn't have when I was younger I refuse to do it anymore. I am 39 and it's great. The fact that I am unable to properly use a cell phone, well.... that is quiet embarrassing.
So that's me. I look forward to the endless opportunities to grow every single day & hopefully one day I'll be a real grown up. Happy Birthday to me.
Happy birthday, sweet lady!! First, you are STUNNING. I love that picture of you! (And that cardi rocks!) I wish you a wonderful year ahead. xoxo
ReplyDeleteMy dearest Marie,
ReplyDeleteHappy almost birthday!!!! You are a dream come true to me in my life. I could really go on and on here so I"ll say what I love most about you:
-You are so honest. I love that about you and always have.
-You have magic hands; whether it be with food, hair, clothing, or kids, whatever you touch seems to turn out great. I love your culinary skills.
-You are a wonderful mother. I love you as a mom. I think you are real, loving, and firm. So altogether you perform a great balance as a mother which is hard.
-You are a devoted friend. Yes, I was in Tahoe when you called. I'm sorry I'm so foolishly busy. (On the weekends I am at the hospital three and four times a day. I am scheduled to write my first blog on Sat. Yes, that is what my life has become, everything has to be scheduled, I just can't wait for that baby to come home. )
-You are so, so, so, so, so, so, so pretty. At first I was thinking I wouldn't say anything about looks thinking, "it's sort of vain." But, what woman doesn't want to be told their beautiful?" You certainly are. There is just something about your face that is stunning. I've looked you over time and time again and you are just so pretty.
Marie, I'll never forget the first time I saw you and the first time you came to my door step in the rain with your sweet, fat baby Emry. I loved you from that moment on, and more as time has marched on, which it certainly has. I love that we've grown closer even as we have had distance between us. I see the changes you talk about above. It takes a lot of awareness, persistence, patience and reflection to make changes with ourselves, but you are doing it. You've always been wonderful, for sure, but you've really come into your own and it's very refreshing. I love being by your side, you are calming. I just love you and I always will. I wish I were with you to celebrate. Take care, and have a great weekend. I love, love, love you forever,
Shauna
Well that's just the best gift ever. Even if your picture wasn't beside your words I would still know they were yours. You've seen me through a lot of changes, thanks for sticking with me.
DeleteWell, (based on your photos:)) I would easily believe you, if you told me you were 32. I also believe you're turning 39. And you look gorgeous! I wish you to feel great and healthy as well. I wish you to find a (an easy / alternative) way to beat arthritis.
ReplyDeleteHappy Happy Birthday!!
I agree with Mariana. You could pass for 30, easily! You are a beautiful woman not only on the outside but after reading your blog posts, I know you are beautiful on the inside as well. Have a lovely birthday!!
ReplyDeletePs - I am 29 and will turn 30 soon and I can't wait!! I hear some of life's best memories are made in your 30's.
Wonderful memories can be made at any age, but as you know, truly loving yourself, having confidence and putting your heart in the right place makes everything sweeter.
Deletewhat a beautiful post... as always, marie. :-) happy almost birthday.
ReplyDeletei think we're all a work in progress... it's just the ones who are trying who are progressing in the good direction. i think i still have to try to be more comfortable in my own skin sometimes. but like you said, it's much better than it has been.
if you do look 38, it's a beautiful age. i remember you talking about your arthritis and how much of a struggle it is sometimes. i'm not shrugging that away, but i have arthritis in my knees and i was struggling to climb the stairs yesterday. and i'm 27. ;-) the dr. said it can actually start developing in high school. glad the pill is something other than speed... maybe. hahaha.
"shouldn't i know everything"? sometimes i think you're in my head. :p
You can get arthritis as a teenager. I will probably have to go on steroids at first to get all the swelling down immediately before it causes any more damage, but after that I will get 'Remicade' infusions. That medicine works like a charm on me. I am not sure if there's anything she can do for my energy levels but I hope so.
Delete(I've been off all medicine for a year because I wanted to see if my body could go without it. Then when Glenn lost his job we had no health insurance. Finally after a year and a half it's time to throw in the towel and admit I really need something. Getting on an insurance plan with a pre-existing condition was not that easy).
Almost your birthday! How Exciting! Marie, I have 20 some years on you. I get very frustrated with my body because of how I feel. It's one of the reasons I work so hard to keep my weight under control. Knowing how I feel with it under control, I can only imagine how I'd feel if I was overweight again. I'm very stiff and sore (my hips especially after this long rode trip) but I can live with it. I feel better when I'm active and I'm starting my walking again hopefully Sunday morning. Every age is beautiful and regardless of what your age is, you are truly beautiful! I loved this post, and thanks for sharing it with us.
ReplyDeleteThank you Fran. I totally get what you're saying. There are so many things you can't control with your health that it's so important to take care of what you can.
DeleteHappy birthday, sweet friend! I think you are beautiful, inside and out. Age is just a number. My grandmother used to say, "Ask me my age, I don't care. Just don't ask me my weight because that's something I can do something about!" Wise words from Mawmaw. :o) I hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend and birthday!
ReplyDeleteOh I am laughing at your sweet grandmother's words, so true, what a clever lady.
DeleteHappy Early Birthday Marie! I think you look fabulous for 38, almost 39. I am a mere 4 years behind you and envy your graceful aging (not that you are old).
ReplyDeleteLike Sarah said age is indeed nothing but a number...in my own mind I feel about 25 and then I look at my kids. I probably shouldn't be 25 and have a 10 year old.
I hope you have a fantastic birthday weekend with Glen and the kids and hopefully you will post a few pictures of your festivities.
Aww, Happy Birthday! I love this post! Your honesty is so refreshing. Somemething I've been realizing lately is that I think I'm going to feel the same age no matter what the number. There's still the insecure teenager in me, the little kid in me, the new mama in me. And pieces of that will be there whether I'm 32 or 82! You look beautiful, by the way!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteMy mom has always said that, mentally, she still feels 21. I always had a hard time believing it, but recently it's starting to make sense!
I hope you do get some help with your fatigue.
Perfect sense right?!
DeleteHave a wonderful birthday,Marie! I think you look fabulous and know that you are beautiful, inside and out! I hope that Glen and your kiddos spoil you rotten on your special day! Love and hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteA blessedly happy birthday to you, Marie! Just think of all the new things we can learn each day! I find it to be exciting!
ReplyDeleteA very beautiful birthday to you in advance. Hope it is everything that you hoped it would be. Much love and happiness to you. Love your take on aging. I hope I adopt your thinking about aging going forward.
ReplyDeleteI like your attuide. I don't think your mind ages at all although it does mature and gain more knowledge. Happy birthday to you pretty lady.
ReplyDeleteOkay well...for what it's worth I actually don't think you look 39 at ALL! Early thirties perhaps but not a day more!
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday cutie!
A very happy birthday to you...I am not kidding when I say that you look no older than 30. Really.
ReplyDeleteAnd on the arthritis and sleep front? I am so with you. I know I'm 36 mostly for those reasons...
Have a great birthday Marie!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIE!!! We will party here in Vegas for you.
ReplyDeleteHappy Belated Birthday! We're the same age!! I love it!! I feel the same as you. I am trying to turn myself into the person I want to be instead of struggling with insecurities. Life can only get better if we work on it.
ReplyDeleteStay young at heart, Marie because I believe it shows on the outside. Your smile says it all!!
Marie, I hope you had a wonderful birthday. I turned 40 last year and I think life is better than ever!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! You are beautiful!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! You are so right about aging. Mentally I don't feel any older but I notice that my body is aging. And I too still have unrealistic dreams and insecurities. I guess you never really do grow up do you?
ReplyDelete