I've started a journal at least a dozen times in my life. A dozen times I've stopped. When I started blogging it was just little things here and there, snippets of our life. But the more comfortable I became with it, the more open I became about the reality of my life, reflecting in more honest posts that dig a little deeper into this here home we've created.
It was always my intention to create memories for my kids. Let them know how I feel about them and life in general as well as let family and friends in on our life.
But as it goes with blogging you create friendships and acquaintances. It's been fun and great but at the same time stresses me out a bit. Do I have time to comment back to all the comments I receive? Are they going to be sincere? Do I even want to?
And if no then why not just put pen to paper and stop blogging altogether?
There is something I truly love about blogging. I love weaving our life into a story with pictures. I love how connected I can stay with those I don't see or even talk to. Friends I grew up with, family I rarely see, and new friends I've made here. Plus, this is the most success I've had documenting my life, ever!
But the comments. Aaargh, the comments are killing me. I love them but it's too time consuming at this time in my life. I feel my focus needs to be elsewhere. On studying, on creating, on learning and growth.
More time to annoy the neighbors with the music channels 'Pop Hits' turned up full blast while dancing with the kids. Less time at the computer.
Sometime I feel myself holding back because I don't want pity, applause, whatever. I want to put myself out there, I want those interested to read for enjoyment, to learn, or just to laugh at me and my mistakes. But I don't want you to feel obligated to feel the need to come up with something to say. This is my life. My kids. My heart. It's too close to me to bear someone throwing out a few words hoping to get a follower, or wondering if my comment is just another tally mark, that's not what I am about.
This doesn't mean I don't care or am not invested in you. It just means I need freedom. Freedom to blog when I want, what I want with no pressure on either of our sides.
I've gone back and forth, back and forth and I think the only thing that will truly work for me, give me the truest sense of freedom is if I turn off all comments.
Our family has some Big, small and I am sure unexpected changes coming up in the very near future. I am excited to see what happens. Maybe these changes have pushed me to make some changes in my own personal life. This is the first step, and I have many more to go.
I'll still check in on you. You're my friends, and I appreciate all the inspiring words I've read and will continue to read.
