Painful

 My first clue that something was wrong was a debilitating pain up my whole arm.  I had to sleep on the couch a few days because the moaning just kept Glenn up.

Many doctor visits later I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  It was a relief to finally have answers and make a game plan for how I would handle it.  At first I took pills.  But the arthritis progressed and a minute into a run I would walk home in tears.  The tears not so much for the pain, but because I couldn't believe I couldn't make my body do what I wanted.

Remicade was a dream come true.  An infusion that for many years made me whole.  I was so pain free in fact that I decided to go off all my medication.  My doctor agreed I was in remission and I left that day and never looked back

As much as a 'dream' as remicade was, it is also a fairly recent drug which means who knows what prolonged usage does.

After a little more than a year of being pain free the pain has slowly crept back.  Mainly in my hands and feet.  It didn't stop me, just made life a little more painful.  Every step taken in a 6 mile run is felt.  Every bottle I open is a struggle.  But it's livable, I wasn't hurrying back to my doctor.

But last night changed everything.  The pain in my left shoulder started about 3pm.  I popped a vicodin and was able to attend a church function that night I had committed to.  As soon as I got home the pain intensified.  I popped another pill only to have it do nothing.  I was crying and moaning and thrashing about so I took my broken self down to the guest room as I didn't want to keep Glenn up all night.

Truth be told it was just a nice gesture.  I really thought I'd settle down and fall asleep. 

No such luck.

Glenn left me another pill, a stronger one that I didn't think I would need but very soon was gulping down like a madwoman.  It didn't help.  It only made me nauseous and want to vomit. 

The pain progressed to the point of childbirth pain, my shoulder was on fire.  I didn't think arthritis had it in her, but apparently this is not a one trick disease.  I tossed & turned all night mumbling, asking God to make it stop, shaking, playing soft music and moving into a million different positions.  I was desperate for some sort of relief.

Eventually the paid did subside in 10 minutes increments and then I would gear up as I felt the pain come back stronger and harder for another 30 minutes to an hour.  I am guessing I slept about an hour last night.  How am I even functioning?

I am better today.  I still can't put my hair up, my ponytail in the picture is compliments of Lila.  It's still hard to dress.  I can only move my left arm from the elbow down.  I have new insurance now and haven't been approved for remicade yet.  I pray I will.