4 years later........

December 21st 2018, almost the new year, been absent for over 4 years here on the blog, should I come back, like really come back? Not for others to read but just me, and eventually my kids?  I think I should and I think I will. No pressure, I can't handle it.  Maybe a few times a month I'll hop on & ramble.  Life is good, stressful, full etc, I should write it all down.

To update on our life some little things have happened. I went back to college, graduated college, Emry got her heart broke, graduated high school, got accepted to BYU (!!!!!!!!!) Lila turned 16, started high school and has a great group of friends, Ethan traded baseball for basketball and plays daily, my dad died, my mom moved in with us the Klippels (finally) moved to Temecula, YAY!! Our toilet flooded and Glenn is currently redoing the kids bathroom. Brutus is still obsessed with me (hehe) Jeannette got divorced, remarried and lives next door, and we are all going to Utah for Christmas.

Wow, that's enough for now.

Can't wait to document more of this mundane wonderful life.

xoxo Marie

Live Through This

Looking back I can't believe I was in such torture.  But I was.  It was real and all consuming and horrible.

Emry started at the Prep school last year and we loved it so much we put the other two on the waiting list.  We wanted them all to have the same great educational experience she was having.  We wanted them to spend the rest of their academic life together, at least through high school.  That was always the plan.  It was what we wanted.  Or so I thought.

I got an email 2 weeks ago saying Ethan was in.  Ok.  Great.  He'll miss his friends and teacher, but this is good.  It's the plan.  I immediately accepted a spot for him.

The next week I started feeling a bit sad, uneasy and nostalgic.  I bought the uniform clothes anyway.  Some brand spankin new, some at the thrift shop.  I didn't want to buy black shoes as he had black church shoes in his closet that most likely he'd grow out of before he wore them out, they now had double duty.

We started counting down his days at Paloma.  I still felt uneasy.  I prayed.  I prayed more, harder and more fervently than ever.  I needed an answer.  It seems dramatic but I was in tears every night.  The more I prayed and fretted the worse my stomach twisted into knots.  The doubt was so real it was in my face, an enemy I couldn't shake, scaring me daily.

We said goodbye to his teacher.  His friends.  I gave her a hug and she hugged me back with tears in her eyes.  Maybe I am like every other mother, but I know Ethan was her favorite.

That night things went from bad to worse.  For me.  Ethan was fine.  He was nervous because he knew the curriculum would be tough, but he was fine.  I couldn't sleep.  I called my mom.  No answer.  I texted Glenn the craziest texts ever.  Thank goodness he was working and wasn't privy to the manic emotional wreck I had become.

In the dark of the night with rain pounding at my window I made up my mind.  I couldn't bear to wake Ethan up at 6am every day, make him drive for 20 minutes, send him to a school, a class, a teacher and students he didn't know.  Add to his workload and stress him out.  I wasn't doing it.

I got out of bed bleary eyed not waiting to wait a moment longer to really talk to Emry about the neighborhood High School.  The have a new theater, all her friends are there, it's right around the corner.  Emry is so easy going surely if I proposed properly she'd want to go there next year.  All my ducklings would be close and I wouldn't have to rip Ethan out of his comfy cozy little environment and throw him to the wolves.  Again, dramatic, but that's the only way to describe exactly how I felt.

Emry wanted to stay put.  What?!?!  She loves the school, her Drama teacher, her friends.  It's not fair but it's just the way life is, or our family anyway.  By virtue of being the oldest by default she gets to make the decision.  All the kids were going to be together.  The prep school is 20 minutes away and on a totally different schedule and it would be too hard to have them at different schools.  Where she went, the others would follow.

My plan of marching right back to Paloma and telling them that in the last 16 hours I had changed my mind (realizing how utterly flaky I would look) and I wanted to safely put Ethan back in his class wasn't going to happen.

I woke him up, fed him, packed his lunch and drove him to school unsure of what awaited him and me there.
I met the principal, his teacher, looked around the class and reluctantly left.  That was it.

I couldn't wait to pick him up that day.  I had to know the mess I made of his life.  I had to hear how horrible it was.  I needed to comfort him and somehow make it better.

He said, and I quote "That was the most awesome first day of school ever!"

Say what?

He said, and I quote again "I felt like Justin Beiber, all the kids crowded around me, that's never happened."

Turns out he loved it.  He loves his classmates, his teacher, the cool things they have at the school, everything.

His brand new shirt.  Pants & sweater bought at the thrift store.   Glenn said "are those girls pants?"  I was hoping he wouldn't notice.  Oopsy  Gotta save a buck when I can.

So what is the takeaway here.  That prayers aren't answered?  That I am an emotional lunatic?

I've thought about it hard and here's what I've come up with.  Prayers are most definitely answered.  Sometimes our Father in Heaven doesn't respond on our time table.  Sometimes He wants us to have faith in ourselves.  Sometimes we put too much responsibility on His shoulders to make everything in our life okay instead of shouldering the work it takes.  Our human faith can be shaky and many times we let fear override the things that can be great in life.

So what's the difference between truly feeling a choice is not good for you and fear?  Since I am an expert now here's what I think.  It takes work and practice.  I know my natural tendency is to go the easy route.  The comfortable one.  I know I can let fear and doubt consume me.  I know I don't trust in Him enough.

The great thing is I can work on it.  Faith can grow.  In God and in myself.

And sometimes....... sometimes we just have to live through scary things.  Take a leap and hope we come out the other side in one piece.

It's called life. 

Thanksgiving update

Is it too late to write about the Thanksgiving?  No?  Perfect.  I was hoping I'd say that.

We had my brother Neilsen who because of a broken leg received while surfing stayed with us  a whole week instead of letting the waves dictate his stay.  My sister Margo, her husband Al & their 3 kids, my brother Aaron, his wife Jasine & their 3 kiddos & finally my brother Adam & his new wife Anna who were napping when we took this pic.  Then of course there was Glenn, I & our 3, Jeannette & her 3 and my parents.

We didn't do too much other than eat (so many good cooks!), talk & play games.  We did spend one morning at the park to let the kids and dogs run around, and we also drove around looking at properties for when my sister Margo moves here (insert a million happy faces!!!!!!) but other than that it was low key and relaxing.  Although we didn't do anything exciting I can say that just being together is the best thing ever.  I love this group so much!!!!!!!

Life is good here.  The kids are back at school, I am back at school (which explains the Thanksgiving post in January) Brutus is good and Glenn is keeping very busy with his new job and tax season that is starting.

Still haven't gotten my infusion for my arthritis which is extremely painful and frustrating but I am trying to be patient while the kinks are being sorted out.  In the meantime I am happy & grateful for all I do have, which is a lot!  It is nice to have a Holiday centered on thankfulness, but truly I am grateful every single day for the abundance of blessing so graciously given to me by a kind, patient, forgiving and loving Heavenly Father.

Eaten Alive

1.Do you have trouble getting up in the morning?

2. Do you have trouble opening jars?

3. Do you need help getting dressed?

These are just a few of the questions that seem to be on every medical form I fill out dealing with my arthritis.  I was always able to very safely and smugly answer no, no & no!  Sure I have pain, and sometimes it even lasts for a few days, and sometimes it's horrible.  But it goes away or I get my infusion and I am back to normal.  Normal being some pain, some fatigue & some swelling, but not enough to stop me.

Well I've been stopped.  For about a month, maybe more my right foot has been in such pain.  It's swollen and keeps me up at night.  I can barely walk.  Running?  Exercise?  I've worked out my whole life.  If I miss 3 days in a row it's due to Christmas, vacation or an illness.  It's a huge part of my life.  Well I've been jaded by pain and I just don't care.  I don't care that I am out of shape and it will take me months to get back to running where I was.  I don't care because there's literally nothing I can do about it. 

This is my life.  Right now.  I am seeing a specialist tomorrow with my new insurance.  Why did I wait so long?  I thought the pain would go away.  I thought I could will it away. 

I was talking a nurse a while back who said the x-rays of one of her arthritis patients looked as if all her joints had been  gnawed on by rats.  I hope that's not my case.  I hope I haven't waited too long. 

Well, that's what's going on around here.  I hope I feel better very, very soon because I know 3 little kids that have been thankfully much nicer than they've been naughty (& they are naughty!!!)  and we are loving the excitement and anticipation of the season.

Cookies for Breakfast

Lila ran for President of her school.  She lost.  She lost to a girl who made crazy promises she couldn't keep.  Just like real politics. 

Emry woke me at 4:30 am this morning to make cookies for her to take to school.  Couldn't say no.  Made a million cookies and she took them all.  8th graders apparently love chocolate chip cookies.

Ethan and Lila came downstairs this morning for breakfast and wanted cookies.  Couldn't say no.  At least they had orange slices too.

I read all the time.  I am in school and it's taking all the free time I used to have to plan out real blog posts. 

We got a bunny, he's so cute.

Ethan won't tell me what he wants for Christmas, why would he, Santa knows all.  Hope that works out for him.

I haven't used my real camera in months.  Haven't really taken any pics but the ones I post on Instagram. 

Decided not to send Christmas cards out this year.  I am pretty sure people see enough of me on Instagram.  Plus I am too cheap right now to buy stamps. 

I am about to have a teenager.  Tomorrow.  Yikes.  She's having a party tonight.  A swim party.  It's raining.  It better stop or at least not be coming down in sheets because I have no plan B.

Emry did this last night.....

.......... jello hockey?  I am just going hide in the other room while 20 teens stain my walls and carpets.  Emry's full of great ideas right?

Ethan is missing $40 from his money jar and I am pretty sure I am the one who took it.  My memory's shot. 

I am obsessed with 'Replay' by Zendaya.

Tomorrow morning at exactly 10 am I am officially on Thanksgiving break and it couldn't come soon enough.

I have a feeling that at exactly 10:01 I'll be scrubbing jello stains out.

The unbirthday birthday party

{Lila opening her gifts, donut cake, cracker jack favors, birthday girl at breakfast}

This was the year of the 'family birthday dinner'.  You know, the year we skip the friend party.  Well unfortunately for me I saw a groupon for the trampoline park for $32 for 2 hours of jumping for 4 kids.  That's a savings of $70!  So I told Lila that after school on Friday I would take her and 3 friends to jump, no problem.  The day I went to get the groupon it had expired.  But the seed had already been planted and the jumping turned into a play date and then morphed into a full on party for a dozen girls before I even knew what hit me.  Huh?! 

Honestly I don't like planning kid birthday parties.  I don't go on pinterest and make the triangle banners or get the fancy color coordinated paper straws.  What I do is thank my lucky stars that Lila wants a donut cake ($3.75 at Walmart for a dozen glazed) and pizza (also at Walmart, $6.98 for a huge cheese), and am glad I picked up those cute cracker jacks at Costco ($5?) a few weeks ago.  Since I only used half the box of cracker jacks, that brings my grand total for this party to $13.23.  Of course the candles have been around the block a few times.  Waste not want not.  And I served water. 

What I lack in fancy details I make up for in fun!  It's the most fabulous thing to have a creative tween who loves to help with the entertainment.  Emry created the invitations & planned out all the games for the party.  There was a fun scavenger hunt all around the neighborhood, a group dance contest, and lots of trampoline jumping & music. 

So Lila had a fabulously fun party with all her girlfriends in attendance. 

But next year, really I promise, I will not be duped by a sweet little cherubic 11 year old.

Goodbye Academy

{The kids & I joined the Academy for their last workout together, an easy 3 mile run in San Diego}

Well, well, well.......here I am again after one month.  I really didn't mean to stay away so long, it's just I am trying to live a life you see.  I would have thought that with my kiddos back in school I'd have all this free time, but then I went back to school and all my free time is spent reading and writing.

I thought about doing a catch up post but then I just couldn't write a post that entailed pages and pages of our crazy life, so I am going to try and post more often all the goings on.  First up............ Glenn graduated from the Police Academy!!!!

If you follow me on Instagram then you've seen his 15 second graduation video.  He's done!!!! It was grueling and long and we're all glad it's over.  6 months later and 20 pounds gone.  I didn't think he even had 20 pounds to lose, but those daily workouts were intense.  He came home every day with his t-shirts soaked.  Soaked!

So now he has to put in his time at the jails doing corrections for possibly up to a year before he goes on patrol.

{After the run the kids and Glenn took an impromptu swim.  Rode home with a bunch of wet kids, nothing new.}

Life is good and we're excited for this new career and wherever it takes us.